I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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