Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize