she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
