So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
