wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
