At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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