it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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