Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
