Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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