I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
