I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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