fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
