is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
