I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mom said you looked used
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
