she sounds like chewbacca in bed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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