We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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