Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
