I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I see more hoeing in ur future
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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