There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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