Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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