He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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