I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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