cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
