She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
