I will die if light touches me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
