Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
