I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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