girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
