and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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