I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
