Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
