i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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