please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
