why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize