I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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