Umm I'm too high to move.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
