I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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