The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
