She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
