Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize