At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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