Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
