i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
false alarm, still single
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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