Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
