I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
