not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
