i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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