dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
