I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
