Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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