I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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