We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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