And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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