we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So many bounce houses so little time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
