it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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