im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
