Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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