just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
