dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
