theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
