Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
