I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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