So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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