Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there was a trapeze. enough said
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize