i will never coherently bang her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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