Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
