I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
