i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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