True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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