You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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