He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize