but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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