ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was CRYING into my vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
