yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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