theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I deserve this hangover.
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