I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
