somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
