I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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