I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
