Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he puts the penis in happiness.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
