that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
