I want to stick my p in your. b.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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