hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
