i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
