Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
