Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
