How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
