Just fell off a train. Bad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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