Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
