There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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