I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
