It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
