he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
