brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
3 2 1 whiskey
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize