And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
