we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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