there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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