then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
