I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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