Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
