Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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