Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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