she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
