It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
