Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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