Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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