There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
