sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
